Style Personalities and Your Body Type, Part 4

SURPRISE!!

Got You!

Whew. That was fun! Today, we’re going to talk about Androgynous style!

The Androgyn- The Androgynous womyn (or person, rather) pulls style elements from both the masculine and feminine. This might mean a womyn who identifies as a womyn wearing men’s suits, suspenders, or A-shirts (usually white tanks commonly worn by men as undershirts).

This might mean a person who identifies as genderfluid, wearing whatever feels authentic to them today.

This might mean a man who identifies as a man wearing unisex or feminine clothing, hairstyles, or make-up.

 

This might mean a totally adorable boi dressing like a totally adorable boi.

This might mean David Bowie. Yum.

Androgyny can be achieved in a lot of ways, from casual to formal, from male to female, from extremely trendy to…well, me in a grandpa sweater. The defining characteristic of the Androgyn is that you don’t subscribe to gender norms. That’s it.

If you’ve never experimented with Androgyny, a great way to dip your toe in the water is through Menswear. Every few seasons, designers remember how INCREDIBLY HOT wemyn look in men’s clothing (and occasionally vice versa).

 

During those blessed seasons, you usually see wool three-piece suits, crisp trousers, neckties, or gorgeous hats.

 

Pick one or two and blend them into your wardrobe. Menswear-inspired shoes are very stylish, as well.

Aren’t they gorgeous?

You can find some great boots, heels, and oxfords modeled on classic wingtips. Pair with a dress and tights, or under a suit and rakish hat. You can’t go wrong.

About the Androgyn that has curves, DapperQ writes, “The current aesthetic seems awfully narrow and limiting compared to the textbook definition of androgyny. Androgyny does not belong to one gender or one body type: it is for all genders and every body!” Read more here, and learn some great style tips for Androgynous people with curves, but also advice for the rest of us: “If you love your curves, embrace them!” Hell, yeah.

That’s it for this series! I’ll be back with a great post about the worst nightmare of every one of my clients: THE FITTING ROOM *cue spooky laugh*

I’ll play myself out with awesome pics of Ruby Rose.

Love, Talia

 

Style Personalities and Your Body Type, Part 3

Breathe in, breathe out, and welcome back!

This week in our series, we’re going to talk about the Creative and the Gamin(e) style personalities. “Gamin” can be spelled with an E on the end or not, so I’m putting the E in parentheses so if you’re doing research later, you’ll be able to find a wide range of pictures and outfit ideas with both spellings.

“You’re welcome, Readers!”

The Creative- This confident, freethinking womyn wears her artistic flair on her sleeves, her shoes, her pants, her dresses, etc. Her patterns are wild, sometimes even famous prints. Her bag is likely to be a screen printed tote (with Edie Sedgwick on it, perhaps).

Telling the Creative to stay away from color in her clothes is like asking her not to breathe. She has such an eye for color that she can match better than you, but she won’t do it (especially when it’s trendy to match). In fact, she cares very little about trends. She wants to stand out and be surprising, and throws layers together in the least ordinary way she can.

Here’s a three-fer!

The Creative understands how to thrift shop, and has no fear when it comes to tearing apart her clothing to make something WAY cooler. Even if she’s not a do-it-yourself type, the Creative will incorporate lively patterns into classic pieces such as a blazer or trousers. If you are a Creative type, get weird with your hair! It suits you. After all, “you’re such a free spirit!” (As though you’ve never heard THAT before).

Iris Apfel, the Queen

The Gamin(e)- If you are petite and look incredibly good in a hat, it’s very possible you are a Gamin(e).

Just crazy good.

The Gamin(e) is adorable, stylish and perky. She can wear touches of the youthful Romantic, Creative, Natural, and Classic styles, but she looks best in a mix and match style.

Pull a cardigan from the youthful Romantic’s wardrobe, a sheath dress from the Classic, colorful sneakers from the Natural, or jewelry from the Creative. Cuffed jeans, even-width stripes, and fun oxford shoes. Ruffled dress, patterned tights, granny boots. Vintage (even horrid polyester) looks so cute on the Gamin(e). I know, it’s not fair. If you are a Gamin(e), you might be snidely referred to as a “hipster,” but really, they stole YOUR style! The Gamin(e) owns the pixie cut, and has the large eyes to balance it.

Says Carole, “clean, straight lines…complement both her body and her energetic spirit.” Gamin(e)s, if you don’t own one great pair of flats (ballet flats, leopard smoking slippers, gold oxfords, plaid loafers, etc), then you are missing out! Womyn, you are quirky! Go with it!

Next week, we have a surprise bonus Part 4! I can’t tell you! It’s a surprise!

Love,
Talia

Style Personalities and Your Body Type, Part 1

Happy Late January, Readers!

I have a deep and abiding love affair with old books. To be clear, I do not mean actual classics. I mean books published in the 1960’s, ‘70’s, ‘80’s, that I pilfered from my mother’s library and are hopelessly dated. But once they held their fingers to the pulse of the nation, culture, or the fashion of the time. If this was a very different blog, I might write about Steal This Book by Abbie Hoffman (that taught me how to shoplift), or A Child’s Garden of Grass by Jack S Margolis (that taught me people from the 1970’s smoked the wrong part of the pot plant). But this is a fashion blog, and so I wish to share with you the wisdom of Color Me Beautiful by Carole Jackson (that taught me that I am a Winter).

There are many sections of this book that are incredibly useful even today (although the out-of-date cosmetics suggestions would make any Sephora novice cringe), and I’d like to give them all the attention they deserve. This week, I’m going to start with your style personality.

Your sense of style, combined with your body type, coloring, and personality all contribute to your style personality. Let me be clear: just because someone says you can’t wear large yellow floral prints with your coloring BUT THAT’S YOUR FAVORITE THING TO WEAR, so what? Wear what makes you feel good. However, if you are looking for style help, a nudge in the right direction, or some new ideas, I urge you to keep an open mind! This lady puts blush on weird, but she still knows her stuff! NOTE: I may very well be quoting heavily from the source material, but I’ll put all the book links down at the bottom of the blog so you can find it if you are so inclined.

The Dramatic- She comes first because she waits for NO ONE! The Dramatic wears what’s cool, because she can. She can go way over the top, and somehow it still works for her. Powerful colors, geometrics, animal prints. Shiny, glittery, or severely plain. Skin-tight or ultra blousy, she is extreme in any direction. Dramatic fabrics are “theatrical and striking.” Some of her biggest drama, however, is saved for her shoes.

BECAUSE OH MY GOD.

Carole says, “Full-fledged dramatics are…exotic looking and have flat hips and long legs.” I say, try the dramatic style if you have a loud voice, look very cool with an undercut or bright haircolor, or are constantly drawn to anything with studs on it!

The Romantic- This womyn might call you “shug,” and you might like it.

Her clothing is beautiful, soft, sweet, and feminine because she is, too. Frills, ruffles, draping, lace…nothing is too feminine for the Romantic (although she needs to dress for her age. Pigtails and bows are the jurisdiction of the Ingenue, the “youthful romantic”). Romantic wemyn have curves, and look great in clothing that drapes or has curved lines. “Her hair is best in…curls, even if she sweeps it off her face, and her make-up can be strong if it is not overdone.” Highlight your favorite feature! Eyes? Fake eyelashes! Lips? Strong lip color (in your palette)! Cheekbones? Learn how to use bronzer and highlighter to make them stand out, with some shimmer! Girl, shimmer is a Romantic’s best friend. She can shimmer in satin, velvet, silk, brocade, and/or chiffon. She can shimmer in off-white cotton. I’ve seen it with my own heavily-lined peepers (I’m a Dramatic)! Try the Romantic look if you’ve seen the Notebook more than once, if you self-describe as ‘sweet,’ or if you just can’t get enough of lace.

Next week we’ll be looking at The Natural and Classic wemyn! If you’re interested in buying Color Me Beautiful, you can get it here.

Completely unrelated, but: Wild Roma has been going through some changes! We now specialize in handcrafted skincare and home remedy products. Visit us at our new shop: Etsy.com/shop/WildRoma

Love,
Talia

Fashion, According to John Waters (and Other Icons, Legends, and Nogoodniks) Part 2

Welcome to Part 2, Readers!

I know it’s been longer than one week, and I missed you, too! Let’s jump right in with more awesome quotations about fashion.

“Do we secretly idolize our imagined opposites, yearning to become the role models for others we know we could never be for ourselves?” -John Waters
My current fashion inspiration is Claire Underwood. I don’t look like her, dress like her, or command a room like her, but I hope to influence others as she influences me.

The fabulous Robin Wright.

“Fashion embraces the weirdos.”-Chloe Sevigny
The first words out of my mouth this morning were, “I love being weird. It’s my favorite thing to be.” From Coco rocking her lover’s trousers to Michael Jackson wearing one glove, fashion has always been made and changed forever by the weirdos.

Be fearless.

“If you wear clothes that don’t suit you, you’re a fashion victim. You have to wear clothes that make you look better.” -Vivienne Westwood
I hope this is a no-brainer! If your clothes don’t make you feel great, take them off! And if you get too cold, I suppose you should put something else on…

Confidence is the sexiest accessory. Just ask Vivienne.

“When a person is in fashion, all that they do is right.” -Philip Stanhope, 4th Earl of Chesterfield
I’m sure he meant ‘in fashion’ as ‘the King likes you,’ but it translates to clothing as well. As a society, we are so forgiving of those who look ‘right’ at the moment, for better or worse.

The very definition of super fly.

“Fashion is a language. Some know it, some learn it, some never will- like an instinct.” –
Edith Head
I know it, and I can teach it! Let me know if you struggle with learning this language.

“Fashion is a weapon that you can use when you need it.” -Donatella Versace
Amelia Jenks Bloomer did not invent the style known as ‘Bloomers,’ but she adopted it quickly and promoted it enthusiastically during her tenure as the editor of suffragist magazine The Lily in the 1850’s. During the 1850’s and again in the 1920’s and 1940’s, we see wemyn wearing trousers and advocating for rights: the right to vote, the right to earn a living wage, the right to hold an equal place in society. Fashion is very powerful.

Bloomerism. It’s a thing.

 

“The great thing about fashion is that it always looks forward.” -Oscar de la Renta
Oscar, my favorite contemporary designer, passed last month. I had his quotation all ready to go, and didn’t realize how fitting it would be to finish these posts with the idea that fashion moves ever forward, not to make yesterday less beautiful, but in the eternal hope that tomorrow may always be filled with beauty.

In Loving Memory.

Love,
Talia

 

 

Fashion, According to John Waters (and Other Icons, Legends, and Nogoodniks), Part 1

Hey, Readers!

As Fall slides into Winter, I am in full-on research mode. I even dragged my partner through several stores at the mall with the lure of a movie (I know, I’m a monster). Autumnal colors abounded, puffy jackets were a-display, and basics came mostly in fluorescent colors (unnecessary and mysterious).

It was like this everywhere.

For some reason, though, I was totally drawn to white blouses. White, off-white, eggshell, powder, palest gray, cream. I want to wear them with navy trousers! I want my hair in a controlled messy bun! I want to be disguised as normal! But I…I… I can’t stop thinking about a quotation from my favorite director, and weirdo extraordinaire, John Waters:

Smile pretty for the camera, now.

“[I]f you’re young and buy designer clothes, you’re an idiot. It’s for over forty; you need help then. But at twenty, if you’re spending money on designer clothes, it’s ridiculous. You should be wearing the things they copy.”

I have been designing, modifying, and customizing my own clothes since adolescence. I love looks big designers come up with, but I value being unusual and different. I like to take people by surprise. If I wear trousers and blouses, I might fit in really well with 30-somethings at my fancy office, but I don’t want to lose the intrinsic weirdness what makes me me.

Free time.

Looking for that John Waters quotation got me reading and thinking about how much thought, effort, and love we as a society put into both high and low fashion. High fashion meaning haute couture, red carpet, that-dress-costs-as-much-as-my-student-loans. Low fashion being, well, everything else (including what you make yourself that is way cooler than anything you can pick up at the mall).

Here are some of the best observations and musings on my favorite subject (part one):

“When I’m putting looks together, I dare myself to make something work. I always look for the most interesting silhouette or something that’s a little off, but I have to figure it out. I have to make it me. I think that’s the thrill in fashion.”-Rihanna

Love it or hate it, her style is her own.

RiRi, that thrill wakes me up in the morning and makes getting dressed a game. I lay in bed and imagine putting pieces of outfits together, like a puzzle. Sometimes I only have one garment to start with, and I wander around half-dressed until I find the missing pieces.

“I think what’s wrong with fashion, particularly men’s fashion, is the lack of creativity behind it.” -Macklemore

That’s what you wanted? A cape? Alright…

You are a little on the preachy side, hon, but you ain’t wrong about men’s fashion. I love a great suit, but seriously, designers. Pants + shirt + shoes ≠ creative outfit.

“Fashion… saved me from being sad.” -Lady Gaga

All hail the Haus of Gaga.

Finding passion in simple things can save your very soul. If I had one wish, I would be a designer in the Haus of Gaga. If waking up to dress ME is exciting, I can’t actually fathom the intensity with which I would awake every morning to dress my hero. Someone that works for her made a hat out of a telephone. And she wore it. *sigh*

“Fashion is chaotic, and it can be an aggravation, too, but it is at its best when it allows you to express yourself.” -John Malkovich

Sir, that is a dope scarf.

I’m not sure there’s any other reason to clothe oneself. Besides the cold. It’s getting down into the low 50’s here in Portland. But I’ll take a charcoal wool coat over a puffy jacket any day.

If you’re in your twenties and your fashion sense runs more toward 5th Avenue than DIY, that’s okay! But don’t forget that your weirdness can and does inspire designers. What John is saying is that since you’re in the most trendy demographic, pretty much everything you wear is trendy.

Everything.

Including over sized grandpa sweaters or teddy bears. Y’all look good, so don’t be afraid to be silly and strange. If you like the idea, but aren’t sure how to pull it off, try putting together the most understated outfit you can (plain bottoms, simple top), and throw a bitchin’ accessory on top. Eyeball earrings. Necklace made of barbie shoes. Bracelet made out of paperclips. See beauty in junk! Garbage makes the best accessories. Don’t be afraid to try things. Making mistakes is how we learn, and our twenties are when we learn who we are and what we like. Mostly by making mistakes!

I like to think these folks learned quite a bit in their youth.

While you’re out there in the world, Readers, designer clothes will constantly be getting shoved in your face, but let your originality shine through. Don’t be a label slave; they have no style. And if you ever need help, swing by WildRoma.com or shoot me an email at talia@wildroma.com.

I’ll see you next week for Part 2!

Love,
Talia

 

My Third Client: Dana!

Oh, Readers! Am I glad to see you!

I’ve just about gotten to the end of the recent hectic life stuff! I can see a light at the end of what was a very stress-filled tunnel. I’m so grateful to everyone that’s helped me get here (especially my partner, who has been really cool about me not washing dishes in a month). That definitely includes all of you! I’ve also had a surge of international readers (in Canada, the Netherlands, and Italy), so thank you to everyone who has shared this blog!

Seriously, thank you!

A couple of weeks ago I was in California, and had the wonderful opportunity to help my friend Dana find a style that suits her.

Flash is blinding in a dark bar. I chickened out.

Dana was having a hard time finding the motivation to shop, and the stores that she shopped at didn’t really have her best style in mind. Since she was usually combing the racks at discount retailers, the selection always seemed inconsistent and immensely overwhelming. Dana was coming home with a lot of striped t-shirts that do absolutely nothing for her powerful legs, cute waist, and athletic arms.

 

The second problem is that Dana recently cut off her long hair, and is now rocking the hell out of a pixie cut (blue, see above). However, her clothes were starting to seem a little butch, and Dana was looking for a style that reads as feminine, but not overly girlish.

Please imagine her in all of the following pictures wearing combat boots.

Since we live and work in different states, I made a list of what I wanted to teach her, in addition to items I thought she should have in her wardrobe. I asked her to describe her body, and give me her sizes so I could do remote research. I looked at style sites, but mostly I kept my eyes peeled while in the city for wemyn who had a certain look, and when I spotted one, I kept a list of what she wore. I’m not weird!

I’m a little weird.

The look I mapped out for Dana is comfortable, but edgy and put together. She loves leggings and has tons in different patterns. Great! Now all we need is a skirt with a great pattern and a chambray shirt.

To make her legs look longer, here she is in a belted tunic.

The tunic is actually royal blue. SUPER dark picture. Still cute.

To make her torso look longer, here she is in an untucked shirt.

The bodice shaping and lacy, repeating Hamsa pattern add femininity to this top.

Grays, black, rich blues, deep reds: Incredible on a Winter like Dana.

Because she’s just very cool, I insisted that she get a moto jacket.

Sweaters!

All the sweaters!

More all the sweaters!

This lady was not super into us.

Dana:

I wish I had more time to spend with you, as a client and a friend. I think your style is starting to emerge, and I think you’re getting a nice handle on it. Here are some things I touched on, in more detail.

You have a lovely body. Don’t fight with it, you won’t win. You are powerful, you are shapely. You need bold colors and edgy accents, tribal prints in black and white, and strong jewelry. Tunics and leggings are always going to look fun on you. In addition to the benefits of comfort, there are dozens of combinations you can make from just these two simple elements, just by changing up the different patterns and colors.

People see what you want them to see. If you tell them your waistline is high, they’ll think your legs are long. If you tell them your waistline is low, they will think your torso is long. Because you have a proportional body, you get to play with your proportions. With tunics, a belt at the waist. With skirts, a blouse that hits you mid hip.

 

Because you are a Winter, you should aim for cool toned, clear colors. Bright, bold, jewel tones, stark contrast. These are powerful colors to go with your powerful style.

You are young, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t invest in yourself and your clothing. Take the time to care for each garment properly (and wash most things in cold water). Store them away from moths. Neglecting your clothes will make them fall apart faster, which means you will have to replace them more often. Which means braving the mall more frequently, and NO ONE wants that.

Shop for clothes that excite you! Make a plan (“I need some jeans,” for instance). Then go online and find out which retailers carry jeans you like. Are they in your area? Go in the store and try stuff on! Do they offer free shipping to your home? Leave the store (knowing your size), go home and get that free shipping! Make the internet (and the mall) your bitch.

If you aren’t feeling “pretty enough” in your day to day, add a five minute make-up regime. Eyeliner; mascara; lipstain/lipstick: pick two, or use them all if you like. They take no time to apply and can make a big difference. I always feel very plain without lipstain. I assure you, that rhymed completely by accident.

And finally, to complete your outfit(s), accessorize! Wait! Before you freak out, belts totally count! As do rad pendant necklaces, superfly earrings, and bitchin’ handbags (WildRoma.com carries a fine selection of all of these)! Keep your jewelry simple, strong, powerful, and cool… just like you.

Until next time, Readers.

My Second Client: Jennifer

My second client, Jennifer, has a very interesting job. She’s a process improvement consultant  who travels for work, and her newest project will have her shadowing the administrators of day care facilities for weeks at a time. The problem? All of Jennifer’s clothes are either too corporate, or too casual.

Let’s find her something fun, shall we?

I started by assessing what she needs for the upcoming project. Since the environment will be similar to an elementary school, we considered that both movement and color would have to play a vital role in this wardrobe supplementation. For movement, flats, dresses, and pants; for color, olive greens, sapphire blues, wine reds, cream, navy, and a bit of black (as opposed to the uniform of black, red, and gray more typical of her work).

Just a little bit softer now.

Jennifer is a curvy womyn who is self conscious of her large bust and the body that is adapting to a more athletic lifestyle (like Erin and myself, Jennifer plays Roller Derby). She’s an Autumn, and her strong coloring makes warm, muted colors very exciting on her. Due to stress, we broke up the consultation into three appointments.

And had way too much fun.

I started the closet purge on Saturday night by distracting her with conversation while I got rid of chuff, occasionally asking for her opinion on a piece, saying things like,  “please justify this,” or having her yell, “no!” and come rescue a dress from my unloving, alien hands.

The Unjustifiable.

When I began, her closet was packed. When I finished, hangers littered the floor, we had filled three bags, and there was ACTUAL SPACE in her closet. For all the clothes she needed, because I threw all her stuff away, according to Jennifer. We parted with plans to go shopping the following afternoon.

Hanger carnage.

Sunday afternoon, we met for lunch (and a football game) before shopping. We got into a silly mental space, and after the games (Broncos and Niners playing simultaneously. Both won!), we walked over to the mall and started with Macy’s.

We did pretty well.

I have a style of shopping I like to call “seek and destroy.” As I walk through a store, I grab everything that looks good in the right size. Everything. I go into a fitting room loaded down and watch the attendant’s face just… fall. Jennifer made it clear early on that she didn’t want anything that added bulk to her chest, and nothing too frumpy, so we had lots to argue about. But it was seeing me with my arms full of clothes that she was expected to try on that made her the most vocal about how little she wanted to do any of this. Readers, when faced with a person (whether or not they’re a great friend whom you love very much) who questions not only every garment, but also the merits of shopping, trying clothing on, or even the concept of pants, it is very easy to get frustrated, or feel as though your own merits are being called into question. My advice? Simply relax. Smile. Tell your friend (and/or client) in no uncertain terms that they ARE going to try on the majority of the clothes you pulled. And for the love of all that is fashionable, use bribery. In this case, the bribe was a gorgeous wrap dress Jennifer loved from the second she laid her eyes on it.

This isn’t it. But this looks good, too.

When we got into the fitting room (I was so disappointed. The attendant didn’t even flinch at the sheer quantity of clothing in my arms), there was more lighthearted arguing over how much she really needed to try anything on. I wouldn’t let her try on the dress. Suddenly, Jennifer was all business. She tore through that stack of clothes, and we made some serious progress defining her style, while steering wide of boxy cuts, stiff fabrics, and jeggings. She nearly found a decent pair of pants at Macy’s, but they fit a little weird in the crotch, so they ended up in the “NO” pile.

Only pants that fit, thank you very much.

In the “seek and destroy” school of shopping, after the blitz try-on, the next step is to ruthlessly pare down the pile. If you don’t LOVE IT, DO NOT BUY IT. By the end of this step, we had two dresses and a sweater. A killer sweater. Choices made, we left Macy’s in good spirits, only to discover that malls close earlier on Sundays. Oops! At least the football games had been worth watching.

We have spirit! Yes, we do!

With time for only one more store, and needing a handful of pretty, comfortable, washable blouses, I took Jennifer to Marshalls. She was pretty beat after a long hour at Macy’s, and although she was resigned to my shopping style, she was fairly overwhelmed. I sent her to look at shoes hoping that would allow her to relax while I went hog-wild in the knit tops.

You’re welcome, World.

We took 27 items into the fitting room, and emerged victorious with but five, including one pair of pants and one blazer (a triumph, as she did not expect to like any pants or blazers whatsoever).

It’s a GREAT blazer.

The following evening, we got together her her house for the wardrobe styling. We blasted fun music and danced around, and I made cool outfits (some for work, some for play). We talked the whole time (when we weren’t singing loudly), and Jennifer has come away from the experience feeling better about her clothing options for her upcoming trip.

Fun-time outfit.

Work time outfit.

Little bit of both.

Jennifer:

I never want you to feel matronly. If you feel in danger of frumpiness, that is the perfect time to break out your coolest jewelry, or trade a plain cardigan for something more modern or with a little more edge. Balance is your friend, but lean in the direction that makes you the most comfortable – being one cool m**********r.

Please don’t feel like you need to hide your girls! Repeat after me: “The jacket/sweater/shrug goes to the nipple, but no farther!” If you have to adjust throughout the day, well, yeah. Sometimes you just gotta do that. But when you cross your sweater/jacket/shrug over your chest, your body language reads as ‘defensive,’ just like if you had your arms crossed over your chest.

Play with your clothes. Each item does not only belong to one outfit. Mix and match. Get crazy. Make mistakes. It’s all part of the learning process.

Tell yourself every morning, “I look damn good.” Because you do. And you deserve to hear it from yourself.

As a final parting gift, dear Readers, here is the stunning Jennifer in her beloved dress. She earned it. Boy howdy, did she ever.

Love,
Talia

The Language of Fashion

Hello, Readers! It’s been a busy week. I hope you’re all reading this in good health and high spirits.

The following post was inspired by a conversation with my partner. I was basically just shouting all the things that I know about clothing at him, when I realized it would make a great blog, because a lot of people don’t think of their clothes as anything other than a lazy cover for their illegal nudity. They certainly don’t think of fashion as a language that some people have mastered.

Fashion Level: Master. (Chiara Ferragni)

Author’s note: Anytime I give guidelines, I want you to know that they’re never meant as hard and fast rules. You can bend or break any of them, because you have free will. Hell, even I ignore good fashion advice from time to time. We’re only human. You can wear anything you like, but it’s important to me that you know 1. your clothes are talking to others and 2. what they are saying about you.

What you wear says things about you. It doesn’t matter if you like that, or if it’s fair. It’s just something we all do. We use clothing as a way to learn things about others. Much of the time, people aren’t even aware they’re gleaning personal information. Have you ever run out the door without brushing your hair and had a co-worker ask if you’re having a rough morning? Or consciously decide not to wear make-up and been asked if you were ill? Have you ever looked at a man or womyn and thought, “Yup. They’re gay”?

I’m sure I’m imagining things.

We base something as important as sexuality on the way people dress without even speaking to them. Your co-workers and friends are not detectives. It’s as simple as this: all people think every decision other people make about their appearance is intentional. If a person is wearing weird, off-trend clothing, it’s not that they don’t follow trends or have no idea how to put together an outfit. They must have CHOSEN to look weird, therefore they are weird. And the only time you would CHOOSE not to wear make-up is when you’re sick, amirite? [not me- I wear way more to disguise it]

Is it working?

Now you know you’re sending out information all the time with your clothing choices, you need to ensure you are only sending the messages you want, and that means understanding the language of fashion.

Here are some messages I see proudly displayed to the world frequently:
– When you wear clothes that don’t fit your body (too loose, too tight, bunching in areas, or just weird), it says you don’t really understand your body, you don’t have patience to search for clothes that fit properly, or you don’t think you are worth investing in. See also: wrong bra size.

Know thyself.

Bonus picture: Breasts are not belts, Ethel.

– When you wear styles that don’t fit your personality (conservative when you’re not, too trendy when you’re more conservative, too old for you, too young for you, etc), you look uncomfortable.

Or possibly TOO comfortable.

– Wearing frumpy, lumpy, shapeless, or old lady clothes when you’re a young womyn says you have given up, or that you don’t want anyone to look at you. See also: food stains.

Please, never wear Crocs where people can see you. Please.

– When you wear pajamas or slippers outside, you are saying you couldn’t be bothered to put on outside clothing like everyone else. It smacks of laziness, and not caring what others think.

Do not come to class like this. Stay home.

– When you wear socks with sandals, you are saying you have NO IDEA how goofy you look.

Don’t be that guy.

Do you do any of those? Did you know people were assuming those things about you? Is that the message you were hoping to send?

I was on the Speech and Debate team in college. When we went to tournaments, we dressed up like crazy. Imagine what people would wear to a heavily publicized court case, or funeral for a head of state. We looked GOOD. Formal, dark suits, black pencil skirts, pearls on kids in their twenties, for crying out loud. Because if you didn’t dress up at that level, you were immediately noticeable, and you looked lousy compared to other competitors. Now, I’m not one to trumpet conformity, but in certain situations, not being dressed similarly to everyone else can be a distraction. You have to determine when it is appropriate to the situation to be dressed a certain way. A good rule is: if you are not on the same level as everyone around you, and it is immediately apparent to everyone that you aren’t, you should notice what others are doing and adapt it to your own style. Imagine a sea of suits, and one dude in a plaid shirt tucked into khakis. He did not get the memo.

Winners wear suits.

I hear a lot of fashion ‘rules,’ and I don’t want you to think that I’m crazy judgemental, or that being trendy is the most important thing you can be. To me, fashion advice is different than rules. You can always ignore advice, and hell, break some rules while you’re at it. You aren’t alone, and the great thing about fashion is that the rule breakers of one generation become the trend setters of the next.

Seriously. Who knows?

The most important thing you need to have, always, is self respect. If you find yourself constantly in situations that make you uncomfortable, or people are constantly treating you disrespectfully, it’s possible you need to evaluate your fashion choices, but it’s just as likely you need to evaluate the people around you and whether or not you are giving the message that it is okay to treat you poorly. Because it is NEVER okay for anyone to treat you poorly. Not even yourself.

Love,
Talia